Clean Humor

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by a car. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the car?" God replied, "Girl, I didn't even recognize you."

Homemade Slurpees

When the kids have really good behavior at the kids' klub at the gym, I sometimes take them to 7*11 to get a Slurpee. Most of the time I do not have to worry about this, because it is a rarity for all 3 of them to have good behavior on the same day. Just being honest here. However, yesterday they did and begged for a Slurpee. My friend, Cindy, suggested making them a slurpee. What a great idea! We went home and made peach slurpees and everyone was happy, happy, happy!

Cooper got wind of the Slurpee-making experience and wanted in on it. I told him the cost-good behavior at the gym. Well dangle a carrot in front of that boy and he will perform! Sure enough, he had great behavior at the gym, no time-outs and could not WAIT to get home to make a slurpee. This time we made pear ones and WHOO-HOO! They were some kind of good! Maybe I attained Mom of the Day status with this creation...

The One Flaw in Women

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, 'Why are you spending so much time on this one?' And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and she will do everything with only two hands.'

The angel was astounded at the requirements. 'Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.' 'But I won't,' the Lord protested. 'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.' The angel moved closer and touched the woman. 'But you have made her so soft, Lord.' 'She is soft,' the Lord agreed, 'but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.' 'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel. The Lord replied, 'Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.' The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. 'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.' 'That's not a leak,' the Lord corrected, 'that's a tear!' 'What's the tear for?' the angel asked. The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.' The angel was impressed. 'You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.'

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take 'no' for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. However, if there is one flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth.

Ducks will Eat Anything

I have known this before, but today for sure confirmed it. Ducks (and geese) will eat anything! We walked down to the boat ramp with my friend Troyce and 2 of her kiddos to feed the ducks. I brought some hot dog buns that my kids did not eat and she brought some breakfast bars and granola bars that no one in her house will eat. Those ducks did not care. Nope, they just kept eating and eating and eating. I am quite sure we could have brought some uncooked macaroni and they would have been just as content. Must be nice to be a duck...as far as food is concerned, anything'll do. QUACK, QUACK!

Pigs are Flying Somewhere

I spent a solid 4 hours of this beautiful day cleaning out the garage. Seriously cleaning. I completely emptied everything out of the garage. It looked like the garage puked all over the driveway. Natalie asked when we were having the garage sale. Nice, Natalie. I guess it did look like a beginning of the week garage sale...

Leaves and spider webs seem to dominate most of the square footage of our garage. I swept and swept and swept. And then I swept some more. This was the end result:

Yes, for the first time EVER, one of our vehicles has rolled it's wheels onto this garage floor. At our last house, we were able to keep enough clearance to pull the suburban into the garage, but we never were able to here. (??) Even from the get-go. Until today. I took a picture with my phone and sent it to my astounded husband and my doubting friend, Mary. Yep, pigs are flying somewhere!

KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER!

I never thought I would use that phrase, but it sure was true when I got out of an impromptu shower. I had been cleaning the garage and had a film that covered every inch of my exposed epidermis. I instructed the little ones to go to nap with the promise of a 'treat' for whoever fell asleep first. Luke was all on board with that and was curled up ready for the sandman. Natalie, on the other hand, was being mouthy, saying not-so-nice things about rules, naps and all things unfair. I left her to finish her little fit and I headed for a shower. Imagine my surprise when I got out of the shower and heard nothing. Silence. I went to check on Natalie and she was not in her room. Uh-oh. I hate it when I lose one of them!

I looked in Luke's room and KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER, there was Natalie! Curled up and asleep in Luke's bed!!! Good gracious! That has never happened before. Natalie and Luke asleep in the same bed at the same time? I held my breath thinking I might accidentally wake one or both of them up. No worries, they were good for an hour and half nap...

Tent Time

John decided to put up a tent today. In the living room. Why the living room? Anyways, the kids were beside themselves with excitement about playing in this tent. We actually bought this tent over a year ago for some one's birthday and just never got it down. Today was the day John picked to get it down and entertain the kids with it.

Let me tell you, that was a good 2 hours of quiet contentment for them. They wanted to do everything in it. They wanted to have lunch, play a game, watch a DVD (so they selectively chose 9 to take in there), wanted to have a snack and milk in there. They played so peacefully and all 3 of them together. *That is not a common thing-to have the two phrases all together and playing peacefully in the same sentence. Usually I have to threaten them with: if anyone cries, you all go in time-out! (even the crier) No threats today, they just enjoyed each other's company in their new abode.

After nap, John took the tent outside and then the serious playing began. I looked over and the tent was rolling down the minute hill that we have in our backyard. With 3 children in it. At first I was a bit shocked, but John confirmed that it was OK (whoa!) and I went along my way not worrying. All was wonderful until 40 minutes later the tent bit the dust. It was rolled one too many times. That was an abrupt conclusion to Tent Time.

Daylight Savings Time

The annoyance of resetting clocks (or forgetting to, and showing up an hour early for appointments on Sunday) may raise the question of why we bother with this rigmarole in the first place.

Daylight saving time is most often associated with the oh-so-sweet extra hour of sleep in the fall (and the not-so-nice loss of an hour in spring), but some of the original reasons for resetting our clocks twice a year including saving energy and having more daylight hours for retailers, sporting events and other activities that benefit from a longer day.

*As far back as the 1700s, people recognized the potential to save energy by jumping clocks ahead one hour in the summer - Benjamin Franklin even wrote about it, although the idea was not put into practice until the 20th century.
*During both World Wars, the United States and Great Britain began observing daylight saving time. After the war, U.S. states were free to choose whether to observe daylight saving time and the calendar start dates of the time change. The result was time confusion for travelers and newscasters. In 1966, Congress enacted the Uniform Time Act, which stated that if any state observed daylight saving, it had to follow a uniform protocol, beginning and ending on the same dates throughout the country.

*Starting in 2007, the Energy Policy Act of 2005 lengthened daylight saving time by four weeks, starting it three weeks earlier in spring and ending it one week later in fall. Daylight saving now begins on the second Sunday in March and ends on the first Sunday of November. Formerly it began on the first Sunday of April and ended on the last Sunday of October, so that extra week gives trick-or-treaters a precious extra hour of candy-gathering before sunset.
But not everyone is wild about daylight saving time, with some states opting out all together and others proposing to do so.

*Hawaii has never observed daylight saving time, as its tropical latitude means its daylight hours stay fairly constant year-round.

*Arizona likewise has not observed daylight saving time since 1967 because the extra daylight in the summer would just mean more energy consumption to keep the desert state's residents cool. *Many Alaskans would like to stop observing daylight saving time because the change in daylight from summer to winter is already so extreme at their northerly latitude. A petition has even been set before the state this year to abolish the observance of daylight saving time in Alaska.
*Florida too finds daylight saving time less useful because of it's southerly latitude. In 2008, a Florida state senator introduced a bill to abolish the practice in Florida.
*From 1970 to 2006, most of Indiana didn't observe daylights time, but began to do so in April 2006 after eight counties in the western portion of the state switched from the Eastern to the Central Time Zone.

*None of the U.S. territories, including Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands, observe daylight saving time.

***All of this information was extracted from a Yahoo article.***

Pa-Pa, Weezie and the Cooker

John wants to cook for his birthday party. He wants to cook ribs, brisket, chicken or whatever kind of meat to serve to the folks who come. Yea, that is just great. However, how is he going to cook that much food? He wondered this himself, until he decided that he wanted a new cooker. It progressed from buying one, to pricing how much it would be to have one custom made, to trying to design one himself to have my dad make to my dad giving him his monstrous cooker that he built a few years ago. To John's delight, my dad drove it up today on a trailer. You know a cooker is big when you have to put it on its own trailer. (A trailer that my dad built. My dad can build anything!)

Here it is in all it's glory. John will be 'testing' it out tomorrow evening, much to the enjoyment of the neighborhood's olfactory senses!

Melissa Lawson at Billy Bob's

Melissa Lawson, the winner of Nashville Star 2008, played at Billy Bob's tonight. There were probably ~50 of us there from our church that came out to support her. In addition to seeing Melissa, we got to see Sister Jill, the house band. (who is in our home group) It was a double treat to get to see both of them! Here are some fun pictures from the event!