Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Noah Today

In the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me."
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a building permit." "I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."


"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining
wild animals against their will. They argued the
accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to work."


"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience."


"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
10years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked
up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"




"No," said the Lord."The GOVERNMENT beat me to it."

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